Moving Forward with Chronic Illness
The first step to true healing is the simple decision that it is possible. However, the fact of the matter is that the road to healing is not smooth.
Today is a particularly rough day. At the beginning of the summer I was feeling the best I had felt in close to a year. My mornings were not filled with struggle. My mind was free of worry. I was experiencing a sort of bliss. Although I knew it was foolish, a part of me fantasized that maybe this time it would last. But, it hasn’t. The truth of the matter for most people with fibromyalgia is that it is chronic. It comes in waves of flare ups, some more difficult than others. You don’t know how long it will last or how bad it will get. There are very few options for reprieve from its grips, and there is no cure. For me, it comes with the bonus of triggering deep feelings of dread brought more visibly to the surface by PTSD due to my previous cancer experience. Every strange sensation, pain, and onset of wooziness comes with the anxiety of re-occurrence. It brings me back to this exact time 3 years ago when I was secretly dealing with the very real possibility that I might have cancer. Although I am fully healed from my cancer experience, the mark it made upon my emotional well being is one that continues to require care. I am often left with the wonder if this emotional trauma will ever heal.
In my spiritual practice I have learned the importance of staying in observation. Life itself is impermanent, so it stands to reason that this pain, both emotional and physical, may also end with time. Last evening, I had the immensely moving experience of having my second Beyond Quantum Healing (BQH) session with my friend Christina Lavers, who is a Mental Strength Coach and Quantum Healer. In these sessions, the practitioner brings you deeply into a hypnotic state of consciousness in which you have direct access to your higher self. Sacred messages, observations, and visionary experiences come through which assist you in gaining a better understanding of questions you may have or experiences you may be going through.
This session was very different from the last. The previous session was filled with beautiful messages about the Great Awakening of the human collective. In stark contrast, this session seemed to mirror the inner struggle of pain that I have been dealing with these last few weeks. It touched upon the collective struggle of humanity as we awaken to the darkness that has been ruling our planet. It wasn’t so long ago that we were mostly unaware of the “powers that be”, “cabal” or “elite” which dominate our planet through their manipulation of the collective consciousness of humanity. Their dark practices, ranging from food contamination through GMOs to human trafficking, murder and abuse (particularly of children), are being brought to the forefront of our collective awareness. The dis-ease has been diagnosed, and we are now faced with the practice of healing.
I have learned over the past two years, as I came to accept my new fibromyalgia diagnosis, that the most important way in which we can ground ourselves during the painful periods of trauma is to NOT IDENTIFY with the trauma itself. I often enjoy reading articles written by others with fibromyalgia. I have noticed that the darker articles, the ones in which people seem to be really suffering, focus deeply on the feeling of affliction. I find that these tend to be rooted in victim mentality. On the other hand, I find that those who have accepted that fibromyalgia is part of their experience tend to have a much more optimistic approach at healing. The moment we give our trauma our power, the effects of these experiences become more palpable.
Often, people who have chronic illness find themselves faking their way through their flare ups. In the previously mentioned articles, they offer that they don’t feel the need to “share their pain”. It is easier to pretend that everything is alright. This had me questioning whether this is truly being authentic. The language itself, “faking it”, leads to the assumption that these people are not being truthful. In my own experience, I find myself “faking” my way through my daily routines almost 80% of the time. This “faking it” allows me to move through my day without actually identifying with fibromyalgia with every moment of discomfort. Recognizing that is it part of my story releases me from victim-hood. By allowing my life to continue to move forward, despite the pain, it has assisted me in adapting to this new life. Progress in life, when you have chronic illness, comes through a certain acceptance of your circumstances without judgement.
How then does allowing assist in healing?
Many people who are faced with the uncertainty of full healing (meaning a full restoration of health) struggle to move forward with their lives. They find themselves trapped in the uncertainty. They ask, “Will I ever be normal again?”, “How do I move forward when I have this illness holding me back?”, and most importantly, “Why me?” All of these statements are deeply rooted in victim mentality. The answers to these questions reside in a future yet unseen. By attempting to live in the future, you have prevented yourself from doing anything about it now.
Knowing what you can change now is a powerful first step toward healing.
Allowing your life to continue regardless of your setbacks will assist you in beginning your healing journey. It doesn’t matter if you will never be the same as you once were. However, you can become a healthier version of yourself: mind, body, and spirit. Healing means that we continue to live, grow, and experience the fullness of what we are as divine beings. Healing means, that despite our traumas, we can still express creatively and participate in our lives. Healing means we allow joy to come in. We accept the gentle messages of affirmations from our guides and our family and friends.
How does this apply to the chaotic state of our world at this moment? How can we possibly live in a balanced state of giving and receiving while being aware of the atrocities that seem to plague our planet?
It is imperative to wake up to the realities we face as a collective. Just like with illness, no good comes from sticking your head in the sand. We must learn but we must also allow. Choosing to ignore these atrocities is like sitting in a burning room, pretending everything will be fine. Eventually, you will be burned.
However, if you take the negative energy of this knowledge into your life it can spread through you heightening any darkness within you that requires healing. Focusing too much on what is happening outside will begin to affect what is happening inside. As mentioned before, energy goes where attention flows. Become aware, but vigilant. Vigilant in your own personal healing. The absolute most useful you is one that has done the work to heal. The best version of you always resides within you. It is not out of your reach. Be aware but continue to move forward.
What do I, a person who lives with chronic illness, know about healing if I am still am struggling myself? I can tell you one thing: my life is good. Regardless of the pain, I am happy. Abundance fills my life in knowing that I am loved and can give love. I found contentment in the flow of my life. When sadness comes, I allow myself to feel it so that I can let it go. When anxiety comes in the form of PTSD, I rest assured in the knowledge of what it is. I am out of control, yet full of freedom.